Challenge #4

In your own space, add something to your fandom’s canon. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


If anyone hasn't seen KinnPorsche it's a significant spoiler, hence the cut. It's probably also a spoiler for the WIP I'm writing, come to think of it, if it's possible to spoil something that doesn't exist yet.

Read more... )
I always mean to do this, and then somehow work restarts and things go wrong and I forget that DW exists for another year. Let's see if I can manage more than one post in 2023...


  • Transformative Works Policy: On my AO3 page: "If you want to translate, remix, make a podcast of, or otherwise adapt or play with anything I've written I would be delighted, please feel free to do so, let me know so that I can add a link."


  • Current Passion I am still learning Mandarin, which is both a fannish and non-fannish hobby I guess. Fannish passions: at the minute I am still embarrassingly interested in KinnPorsche and I spend too much time seeing what the actors are up to, because they're all delightful and genuinely seem to be enjoying their success. Also still very into DMBJ, still invested in Guardian, and this year I added Tan Jianci and Yin Zheng to my list of Chinese actors I will watch in any show. Additionally this year I loved Beyond Evil so I'm sliding more towards Korean crime and corruption dramas.


  • Where to Find Me: I'm on Tumblr (as achray1) but not terrifically active. The only place I'm consistently active is Discord and I find large servers impossible to keep up with, so I generally only interact with small groups or one on one. I will always respond if people say hello or ask me something and will be pleased about it, but I'm not great at social media overall, not because I wouldn't like to be, but because of lack of time.


  • I don't have a master list, I'm no good at such things! Other than some Tumblr and DW ficlets, everything I've written is on AO3.


    Challenge #2

    In your own space, write a promo, manifesto or primer for your fave character, ship or fandom. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


    It’s hard for me to deny that my current obsession is KinnPorsche and especially, as a character, Porsche. I was so taken aback to find myself feverishly writing fic about this show that I started out posting it anonymously (3 episodes in), which I’ve never done before. Last week I graduated to writing RPF, which I still might anonymize because what am I doing XD.

    I started watching the show out of curiosity because I’d seen the chat around it, and I had no idea what to expect. I’ve tried a few BL shows and I don’t get on with them, because generally I am interested in fucked-up middle-aged characters, not in high school/college/young people in general. And then as ep 1 proceeded I had that sinking “oh no” feeling that precedes total fannish obsession with a property you never expected or wanted to like. The show just has a character dynamic I always fall for - I especially love chaotic, disastrous bi characters who are extremely good at whatever they do, but have zero sense of self-worth, and I also love the highly repressed men who love them – and I like how the characters are universally sketchily drawn yet with the kind of fucked-up backstories that are catnip for fic writers. In real life I know a great deal about Victorian-era melodrama and popular tropes of that period, and Porsche, an orphan fighting and fucking for money and to support his younger brother, could not be a more mid-Victorian character unless he also had consumption. I love the gulf of social/class status and morality between him and Kinn. I love his bravado and his desperation. I love how much he cares for others and how little he expects anyone to care for him. I also love the many brilliant ways in which fic writers have explored all of this.

    All the actors sell their characters and the show with total conviction, but I can see that whether I want to or not I’ll end up following Apo and Mile through their next projects, because their dynamic is so great. And also they’re very, very pretty.

    So that was the unexpected turn my fannish interests – and a lot of other people’s – took in 2023. Which goes to show you never know where you might end up, whether you want to or not.
I keep meaning to do these, and then I forget! And one goal is definitely to remember that DW exists and to post here, so....

Challenge #2

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


Fannish (and related) goals

- Keep learning Mandarin, and depending on how this is going, maybe take a formal exam (this would be HSK2, which I think I might be able to try in the summer or autumn). I made a significant step by signing up for private lessons in December, which are a pretty intensive 2 hours a week. It's been a huge boost to my confidence to realise that watching a ton of TV plus lots of Duolingo and minimal other apps means that I can say some things in Mandarin and my Chinese teacher understands them! I didn't think I'd ever be able to speak Mandarin and it's very exciting to be able to say even a basic sentence. Also exciting is rewatching shows I watched this time last year, and finding that I understand simple exchanges and phrases. Sometimes now when I write a fic, I pause because I know what phrase the character would be saying in this moment, and it's not in English.

- Finish my WIPs, especially the long co-authored Guardian fic which is a lot of fun but also long

- Be better at leaving comments and appreciation for other authors, as I often read fic very quickly on my phone and then never remember to go back and comment on it.

- Maybe expand more into k-drama and learn more about what's going on there? The shows are good but the episodes are very long.

- Keep signing up for/participating in challenges! 2021 was the first year that I participated to this extent and it meant that I wrote things I wouldn't have thought of writing myself, and enjoyed them.

- Attempt to be marginally more sociable on DW and Tumblr and in larger Discord groups, maybe even Twitter. Very marginally.

- Consider learning to vid? I would love to be able to make vids, but it seems so far beyond my technical capacities that idk if I could. Maybe??

Non-fannish goals

- Commit more to my current job and place of work, and stop feeling irritable at my colleagues/employer for reasons that are largely to do with being stuck working from home for nearly 2 years, which is not their fault. Recently I applied for other jobs, none of which I am likely to get (or would make me happy if I did get them). So when I don't get them, I need to let this go and stop fantasising that the grass is greener elsewhere, when the fact is that I have an interesting, well-paid job and the things that are annoying about it are sector-wide and endemic, not about where I work. I would say, I also need not to feel resentful when useless men failing upwards get the jobs I applied for instead of me, but that's not a realistic goal.

- Relatedly, re-engage more with work events and colleagues I like around the world, sign up for stuff, get things done rather than doomscrolling the news feeds and procrastinating, sigh.

- I managed to go to the gym and exercise more or less consistently all last year, for the first time ever, so keep this up.

- Try to be better at connecting with RL friends and making more of an effort to see them, and try to leave the house more. Covid-19 has killed my ability to remember what it was like to want to go to the theatre and cinema and concerts, and to make active efforts to do stuff with people. It would be nice to feel able to go to even a few live events again.

- Read some highbrow fiction occasionally as well as large quantities of popular fiction and fic. And maybe watch some of the many Western TV shows that everyone has been telling me to watch for years and I haven't got round to. (This is quite possibly also an unrealistic goal given my reading/TV habits in the last year...)

- Pay more attention to older kid's schoolwork and maybe find someone who could tutor him in something he'll want to engage with, like, idk, programming. Be more proactive in organising younger kid's social life.

- Find some new stuff to cook. Maybe experiment more with Chinese cookery?

- Give more to charity and/or invest savings in a useful and ethical way.

Honestly so many of my smaller goals are work-related, it's slightly depressing. But I'm sure there have been years when they were ALL work-related, so at least I have some non-work plans. Partly due to feeling unmotivated by work, I've been very motivated in fandom and 2021 was a very fun and active year. I'd like to keep that up <3

Snowflake Challenge promotional banner with image of gingerbread Christmas trees, a silver ball, a tea light candle and a white confectionery snowflake on a beige falling-snowflakes background. Text: Snowflake Challenge January 1-31.
Meme (borrowed from teyla):
"Here's a list of my WIPs (exact title of the documents, no fibbing) and you can ask about the ones you're curious about.
Pick any you're interested in, and I'll tell you about them and post a snippet!"

This is a good though slightly depressing meme. I'm not sure if I have fewer WIPs than I thought, or if I've just forgotten a lot of them exist and can't find them (probably the latter, I think anything from Sherlock has vanished into the mists of the past). My file titles are very unrevealing, in case recent file titles accidentally become visible on screen during a Zoom call or whatever.

Some of these I'm ashamed to say I have posted parts of, and yet have still not finished. Anything from the last year is reasonably likely to get finished, anything lower down this list, sadly not.

undercoverguardian - Guardian
Weilan wedding - Guardian
wolves - Guardian

LF - Granting You a Dreamlike Life

LTR romance - Lost Tomb Reboot

Dreams may come - Untamed

EQ & A - The Magicians
Q40 - The Magicians
lupercalia - The Magicians

SC - Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji
Up to the Mark - Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji

F/M - Daredevil (TV, S1)

Harry/Molly - Sherlock

I keep forgetting DW exists, but hope everyone on here is doing well in 2021!
LNY Sundial Exchange

A Lunar New Year multi-fanwork exchange at [community profile] sundial_exchange. For Guardian and Guardian-related canons.


I have signed up for this! Some 'dear creator' notes below the cut.

Read more... )

I haven't done an exchange in many years, I'm excited about it.

New fic

May. 5th, 2019 11:27 pm
I haven't been posting anything here because I've been using a lot of my very limited free time on writing fix-it fics for The Magicians. This isn't sensible - all my fannish activities recently involve escapism from/denial about a whole lot of very serious and very stressful work things that I am 100% responsible for. If I wasn't in fandom right now, I could be working every evening, and then I would be more on top of work. But if I wasn't in fandom, I wouldn't have anything to think about that wasn't work-related, which would create other problems.

As a means of resolving this, I am writing a story which is so connected to my work interests that I might as well just attach my CV to it. I don't mind - or I don't think I mind - if someone who is already a fan finds out who I am because they're reading something I wrote. It's never happened, but I don't see a problem with it. I do mind if someone not in fandom already joins up the dots - but then this is a very small fandom, and a very niche story, to put it mildly, so it seems unlikely:
Warp and Weft, chapter 1. Victorian AU, industrialism, politics, in-jokes with myself about the archives.

And - because I need to add the stress of two unfinished multi-chapter stories to my life! - I am also writing a story loosely described as 'curtainfic in Hell', which will involve bad choices, interior decoration, bureaucracy, and a very long-distance relationship:
What Matter Where, part 1.

I may despise the canon as much as anyone else, and I'm still angry and upset about it, but the fandom is making me happy nonetheless.
For work-related purposes I happen to be reading about the Gentleman's Magazine of Fashion (big in the 1820s), and the critic has quoted this typical editorial:

‘saunter not of a morning into Crockford’s, unless your “builder” has fitted you, sans wrinkle, with a coat fumée de Navarin, (smoky brown) setting tight round the waist, and, (that it may give a resemblance in the male form to that of the female,) being very full in the skirts. It should be left (as if carelessly) open in the front, so as to discover a pale silk under-waistcoat with gold buttons…'

Entire Eliot Waugh fashion magazine Regency AU springs into head, fully formed.
Sooo - a totally random thing just happened, and I need advice which some of you are way better equipped to provide than I am.

An email came into my inbox from someone I was at college with as an undergrad, over 20 years ago. My undergrad days weren't my finest hour for various reasons, and this is someone I was pretty good friends with at the time, but haven't been in touch with for 99.99% of the last twenty years. I vaguely know what he's up to and that he lives in London, but that's about it.

The email starts 'Great to hear that you're [in senior academic post]! I'm writing to ask for a favour'. So obviously I assume this is an academic favour: he's a musician, there are all kinds of things I might be able to help with.

Then the next line of the email is: 'In my late 30s, I realised I was attracted to men as well as women."

Read more... )

I mean - it's nice, I guess, that someone from my distant past wants to seek my advice? But frankly if I'm the only person someone can think of to turn to when they want to discuss bisexuality, then they need more resources. Anyone got any suggestions? Are there friendly queer internet or RL communities where someone who is very unworldly and lives and breathes classical music might hang out? Useful links I could send him?
This week the best thing I read BY MILES was the Lumberjanes comic that M decided the kids were old enough to read. He knows about such things. Probably everyone else is already aware of/has read this comic since it's been around a while, but I had not, since I know nothing about such things, and I unreservedly ADORE it. The 10 year old loved it, the 8 year old loved it, and I'm currently considering whether I can legitimately invest £100 upwards in the entire series to date.

And it would be totally legitimate because this is such a great feminist and queer series, with an all-female central cast, a delightful gay romance, a character the internet tells me later comes out as trans, and packed with people shouting things like 'Holy bell hooks!' It was like a ray of sunshine in the midst of everything else going on at the moment.

[Other comics I've enjoyed recently, suitable for children 7 upwards or adults looking for escapism: Dungeon Fun - the whole playground was acting this one out for a week - and the Tamsin series from The Phoenix, or indeed everything from The Phoenix which is a very fine independent children's comic.]
This week, I read The Disorderly Knights, book 3 in the Lymond Chronicles, about which I continue to have Many Feelings.

But mostly I read all of the Magicians fic by hetrez on a loop, over and over again. I also have many feelings about these fantastic stories.

And I wrote a very small Marina fic, and today I finished a longer Eliot/Margo or Eliot/Margo/Quentin fic - which, idk, this one was not in my usual comfort zone. In which characters talk for 5000 words and then have sex for 50. I would have been ideally placed for 1960s historical fiction, I feel.
I wrote a very tiny Marina drabble for the challenge greywash set up, on A03 (T, no archive warnings apply):

'Now and Then Giving'

Very, very short. I enjoy Marina, though, let's see where she is at the end of S4 and maybe I'll be inspired to do something longer and with actual plot. Although the number of words of f/f I have written is still very little, comparatively, I'm pleased I've finished my only two f/f stories in the last month. Must be the good influence of dreamwidth.
I promised [personal profile] starshipfox I would say more about Dunnett, The Lymond Chronicles, and the glorious ultimate bisexual disaster that is Francis Crawford aka Lymond.

I started reading Book 1, The Game of Kings, on my Kindle (which, if you want to give these a try, I recommend, as the print in the reissued books is very small and they are very long). Mostly I was reading it for work-related Scottish lit purposes. Then I basically….didn’t stop reading for around three weeks, until I finished book 6. I stayed up till 3am every night. I carried my Kindle around with me, reading it under the desk in work, on the bus, while getting dressed in the morning. Outside fanfiction, this was the most enjoyable reading experience I’ve had in easily a decade, where by ‘enjoyable’ I mean that these books had everything I could possibly ask for in a work of fiction and more.

Read more... )
Since Saturday I've had an acutely painful mouth ulcer thing, which means that I can't talk, eat, or smile without wincing horribly and/or involuntarily crying, and I wake up in the night every time the painkillers wear off. This feels like a particularly stupid and pointless way to be unwell, especially since I am not visibly ill enough to cancel all my work meetings and stay in bed.

I'm also just embarrassed by the heavy-handed literalness of this, like - could it be that I am feeling silenced and plunged into a constant state of misery by the current political disaster?? I knew that already, thanks, I did not need to embody it.

I think that I owe various people comments, or replies, or fic. Oddly, though, trying to be very quiet in real life also translates into being quiet online rather than the reverse.

On the bright side I have concluded that Isle of Harris gin, drunk neat with lots of ice, is medicine, on the grounds that it is made with sea kelp, is very very expensive, and comes in a blue glass bottle.
This week I am so terminally depressed by Brexit chaos, which also filters into general work-related stress and makes it worse, that besides fanfiction I am simultaneously re-reading Dorothy L. Sayers, Unnatural Death (not my favourite, but the one I've read least recently) and Dorothy Dunnett, Queen's Play. Recourse to both Dorothys is the extreme distress signal of comfort reading.

This is my fourth re-read of the 6-book Lymond Chronicles since last March, when I first read them. It is one of the great tragedies of my reading life that I hadn't been reading them every year since the age of 15, so I'm making up for lost time with a vengeance.
I came across an obscure writer in the archives the other day that I didn't know, Michael Fairless (Margaret Fairless Barber) and who I want to post about here because I'm interested in what you smart people think about the commentary in her biography below and how to read it [side note: I'm using 'she/her' because I have no evidence not to, and all sources do so, but I feel slightly uneasy about this]. And because, she seems intriguing.

Information on Fairless is thin. She lived from 1869-1901 in England and wrote one popular novel, and various poems, loosely mystical writings typical of the 1890s, and so forth. She liked to entertain tramps and to adopt a 'tramping' persona in her work. Most of the information about her seems to come from the biographical note written by M. E. Dowson with some of her collected works, posted posthumously.

Fairless trained as a nurse and at one point worked in the East End. Dowson - can't find much on her, but I think that her family had befriended and sort of adopted Fairless - tells us:

There she was known, I am told, as the Fighting Sister, partly because she knocked a man down who was forcing his way into his sick wife's room, partly because she could and did force her way into street fights and stop them. She was very tall and very expressive. In such cases there could never have been any doubt as to her meaning, her courage and power, or her purpose; and the slums knew her and respected her. But her wild-animal-like swiftness of action and reaction must have gone far with those people.

When I see commentary like this, my eyes narrow. I sit up a bit. But not as much as I sat up when I read this passage, about the 'resignation' that Fairless achieved right before she died of long-term illness:

There had been bitter conflict, not so well understood then, either by its victim, or by those who watched her, as it would be now. Light has been cast on hidden places of the mind since Michael Fairless died; and now we may read more clearly than ever before the unwitting self-revelation of artists in their work. Science has shown how native powers, more or less thwarted, and urgent desire, more or less concealed, declare their history symbolically in artistic creation. We know better than before that the desire and powers of a man are not blotted out when they are unfulfilled, they remain to prey upon him as the eagle preyed upon Prometheus.

So this was written in 1913. Quite a lot happened between the 1890s and 1913, or indeed 1901 and 1913 - psychoanalysis, sexology, Havelock Ellis, just for example. I mean, 'urgent desire, more or less concealed?' ('More or less'??) 'Unwitting self-revelation' by a female artist who always figured herself as male in her work? A sudden switch into vaguely suggestive scientific language and images of male suffering, right at the point when trying to explain the 'bitter conflict' that your friend had gone through?

Is it just me, or does this seem like language that is not even all that coded about what it is trying to tell us?
So at this moment I need to be re-invested in MCU fandom like I need a hole in the head, which is why going to see Captain Marvel today was a terrible error.

It's not that the film is amazing in itself, it's just that I now ship Carol Danvers not only with her canonical best friend/love interest, but also with every other character in the MCU. Especially, though not exclusively, the women. [Eyes seven unfinished Magicians stories, tries very hard not to think about Carol/Natasha]

Anyway, if you haven't seen the film, this ficlet is effectively spoiler-free for nearly everything except the relationship between these characters.

On AO3, F/F, Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau: 'Turning Slowly Away from the Moon'
So this week I read for pleasure something which was not Magicians fic, astoundingly: Tana French's new novel, The Wych Elm, which is just available. I like very high-quality detective fiction, but not in an omnivorous way, I generally find one author I enjoy every few years and then I read everything they write over and over again.

French is Irish and her books are the kind of dark and twisted detective fiction that reflects on the state of contemporary Ireland (I also really like Jane Harper, who isn't entirely dissimilar in relation to Australia). She writes detective fiction in which things go wrong, people break down, and endings are unresolved, and she's extremely sharp at writing convincing descents into paranoia and suspicion. All of her books have an edge of the supernatural or lean towards magical realism, partly because of her prose style and partly in terms of content, and one explicitly includes it. But she's also one of those detective fiction writers who is excellent at writing interactions within the police force, especially what it's like to be a woman or a working-class man in an elite team, and sometimes as part of this and sometimes separately, she can write outstandingly about male-female friendships and professional partnerships.

Apparently ranking Tana French's novels in order of preference is something that her fans like to do. This newest novel probably won't be in my top three. She has a set of interrelated novels in which the same Dublin detectives recur, and this one is, unusually, a standalone with a narrator who is not in the police. It takes up a highly familiar French theme in which things go horribly wrong for an outwardly happy and privileged person who is the first-person narrator - he is badly injured in a burglary, a skull then shows up in the garden of the family home - and consequently he begins to unravel mentally and physically. After the AMAZING first-person Antoinette Conway of her last book, The Trespasser, I was less sympathetic to this narrator (I miss Antoinette, though I could see and appreciate what French was doing with this particular narrator and themes of white male privilege). And though I'm always engaged by French's fascination for old houses and how this links into older and newer discourse about Irish housing, and into themes of the uncanny more generally, I did feel that finding a skull in the garden of one's ancestral home Has Been Done. That said, there were a couple of twists which were genuinely unexpected and once I got past the opening, I read until I finished the book without stopping for breath.

If you haven't read any French, I wouldn't start here, I'd start with her earlier Broken Harbour or Into the Woods. I definitely would start though.
Years of writing fan fiction, off and on, many more years of reading all the books and all the fic. And yet I still cannot end a bloody scene without a character leaving the room. I can start a scene anywhere, yet I can't get from one thing happening in a story to another thing happening without someone making an exit or an entrance. (Or the characters having sex, so that it sort of fades to black.)

Sometimes - quite often - I do it on purpose now, as an in-joke with myself about a terrible writing practice that I find impossible to shake.

This post brought to you by all the Magicians fic I am not supposed to be writing, because I am supposed to be writing a blog post, a conference schedule, a business case, and all the emails.

The Magicians starts season 4 this week: as far as I can tell, I've got no way to watch it, but here's a post about my new-found fannish love for this show, just in case the new season rips this into pieces and then stamps all over it.

Read more... )

So....more people should be writing in this fandom, is what I'm saying. Great characters, excellent premise, and literally anything goes with this one.

These are things that I am going to attempt, more, in 2019. A few years back I lost my access to Tumblr other than on my phone, through a series of defunct email account fiascos. And it all seemed too difficult to sort out, or to use my phone to write anything, so instead of sorting it out, I reverted to my default mode in relation to both social media in general, and fandom in particular: lurking in the shadows.

If I've found you here, then I have been reading you on tumblr, and I'd like to keep doing so here. All my posts are likely to be private from this one on (see 3-5 below), but I'm going to automatically give access to anyone whose name I recognise, in case you're interested. I'm always happy to be contacted, I'm just not always good at being proactive at contacting people. And in the last few years, I've also been more or less out of participating in fandom because of various factors, including but not limited to:

1. Falling out with Sherlock canon
2. Failing to find any other fandom that stuck for more than a short period
3. Becoming Extremely Senior at work.
4. Consequently becoming paranoid that the powers that be, at work, would notice that I was writing porn in my spare time
5. And that my staff - because becoming Extremely Senior means that I can now say things like 'my staff' and they are at least partly true - would also notice, and this would turn out badly.
6. Near-total lack of spare time due mostly to terrifying upwards trajectory of career, with some credit also due to family, cats, and crumbling Victorian townhouse requiring constant vigilance or it will fall to pieces.
7. Any spare time spent in exercising, baking bread, or rereading Dorothy L. Sayers, in order to cope with the stress of terrifying career.
8. General ongoing tendency to revert to behaving like myself at 14 when online (acutely shy, introverted, appallingly bad at social interactions) rather than myself at 43 (could happily improvise hour-long talk in front of 500 strangers, and frequently do).

So anyway - here I am, making an effort. Signing up. *looks around nervously*
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